Description
Product Description
With more than 100,000 copies in print,
Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man draws on case histories from clinical psychologist Scott Wetzler’s practice to help you identify the destructive behavior, the root causes and motivations, and solutions.
Do you know one of these men?
The catch-me-if-you-can lover...
Phil’s romantic and passionate one minute, distant and cold the next.
The deviously manipulative coworker or boss...
Jack denies resenting Nora’s rapid rise in the company, but when they’re assigned to work together on a project, he undermines her.
The obstructionist, procrastinating husband...
Bob keeps telling his wife he’ll finish the painting job he began years ago, but he never seems to get around to it.
These are all classic examples of the passive-aggressive man. This personality syndrome—in which hostility wears a mask of passivity—is currently the number one source of men’s problems in relationships and on the job. In
Living with the Passive-Aggressive Man, Scott Wetzler draws upon numerous case histories from his own practice to explain how and why the passive-aggressive man thinks, feels, and acts the way he does. Dr. Wetzler also offers advice on:
• How to avoid playing victim, manager, or rescuer to the “P-A”
• How to get his anger and fear into the open
• How to help the “P-A” become a better lover, husband, and father
• How to survive passive-aggressive game playing on the job
Living with a man’s passive aggression can be an emotional seesaw ride. But armed with this book, you can avoid the bumpy landings.
About the Author
Scott Wetzler, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist in private practice in New York and associate professor of psychiatry at Albert Einstein College of Medicine, Montefiore Medical Center. He lives in New York City.
Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Chapter 1
ANATOMY OF PASSIVE-AGGRESSION
When the King of Hearts in
Alice in Wonderland tries to calm the Mad Hatter's hysteria by saying, "don't be nervous or I'll have you executed on the spot," the warning could easily have emerged from the lips of a passive-aggressive man. "Yes, no!" "Stop, go!" "I never lie, I was just protecting you from the truth!"
What does he mean? The King of Hearts and most passive-aggressive men share the maddening characteristic of never saying exactly what they mean.
He may be a legal wizard, a computer genius, a brilliant analytical scientist or a guy who runs a newsstand, but when it comes to relating to others, the passive-aggressive man has just learned to read.
He's as unclear about why he does what he does as you are about his behavior.
When patients describe his psychological abuse, they often begin the same way: "This guy is
impossible." "This guy is
difficult." "Every meal, every conversation and everything we decide to do is handled like we' re two warring nations negotiating a pact, not two people who care about each other," one woman told me. She could be talking for other women about their husbands, fathers, bosses, the shoemaker.
What's the appeal of a guy who says in one breath, "I love you/I hate you," or, "I promise.../Why should I do anything for you?" If you have any emotional investment in a passive-aggressive man, it's because you've probably fallen for his salesmanship. He's brilliantly persuasive at selling himself -- whether it's his brooding stoicism, his understated charm, his boyishness or irresistible seductiveness. You buy into his elusiveness; but you also buy into his
neediness. You feel for him and want to be the one who breaks through, who tears the walls down and gets him to shape up. In many cases, it is a thankless mission.
Problems arise with the passive-aggressive man because of his fatal flaw: an indirect and inappropriate way of expressing hostility hidden under the guise of innocence, generosity or passivity. If what he says or does confuses you, or, more likely, angers you, this is why. You're not t
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