Description
Product Description From the author of the bestselling Why We Suck comes a searing comic look at these divisive times, skewering liberals and conservatives alike with a signature dose of sarcasm and common sense.In an America so gluten-free that a box of jelly donuts is now a bigger threat than Vladimir Putin, where college kids are more afraid of Ann Coulter than HIV, it’s time for someone to stand up and make us all smell the covfefe. Dr. Denis Leary is that guy. With Why We DON’T Suck: And How All of Us Need to Stop Being Such Partisan Little Bitches, Denis is on a devoted missionto #MakeAmericaLaughAgain. Using the clamorous politicalatmosphere as a starting point, he takes a bipartisan lookat the topics we all hold so dear to our patriotic hearts—including family, freedom, and the seemingly endless search for fame and diet vodka. Denis will answer important questions like: When will Hillary blame herself? Why does Beyoncé think he’s Bryan Adams? And why doesn’t he follow the millennial lead and post pictures of his food on social media? (Spoiler alert: He’s too busy actually eating it.) Not that Denis has anything against millennials: “When it comes to science, math, and technological advances, this generation has done more in three and a half decades than any other age group in history. What did my generation do? Cocaine and quaaludes mostly. With a side order of really stupid haircuts.” Dr. Leary is here to remind us of what truly makes America great, even though we’re #7 on the most recent list of Best Countries to Live In. Which may sound bad but means we still make the playoffs. Review “America will not be disappointed. Sure to offend some readers, but many more will find plenty of food for thought while also getting in a good laugh. Leary's ribbing of social media, complete with fake tweets from famous individuals, is particularly amusing.”—Kirkus Reviews About the Author DENIS LEARY is a five-time loser at the Emmy Awards. And the Golden Globes. He hopes to one day also lose an Oscar, a Grammy, and a Tony. His first literary foray Why We Suck: A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid was a New York Times bestseller but not nominated for the National Book Award. In his long and storied entertainment career, Leary has also never won The Stanley Cup, The Nobel Peace Prize, or an argument with his wife. He looks forward to playing Kellyanne Conway in the President Trump biopic. Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. SHORTEST OPENING CHAPTER EVERI was sitting in the Miss Worcester Diner with my dad one day in 1965 when the guy behind the counter delivered my cheeseburger and said to him, “John, is there anything you can’t do? Some guys who come in here say you’re the best mechanic they ever worked with, other guys say as a carpenter and electrician you could pretty much build your own house. On top of which you play a great accordion, and I hear you were a pretty goddamned fast man on the Gaelic football field both over in Ireland and right around the corner here in Crompton Park. But if someone asked you to pick one thing and say that’s what you are, how would you answer?”My dad looked up from his coffee and said, “An American.”If you’re going through hell, keep on going.—Winston ChurchillLead, follow, or get the fuck out of my way.—General George S. PattonOH SAY CAN YOU SCREAMDear Hillary supporters: So it wasn’t the end of the world.Trump was victorious. And one year later the sky hasn’t fallen, the sun still rises, and Cher didn’t move to Canada. Plus, Canada’s not building a wall to keep US out.Yet.There will be no Trumpageddon. Or Hillary Apology Tour.Dear Trump supporters: Despite what your hero says, the press is not the enemy of the American people. The real enemy of the American people is butter—and politicians who have no sense of humor. Too many of us have turned into chubby fast-food junkies who can’t take a fucking joke.The president i