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Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved. unfaithfulHope and Healing After InfidelityBy Gary Shriver, Mona ShriverDavid C. CookCopyright © 2009 Gary and Mona ShriverAll rights reserved.ISBN: 978-1-4347-6533-8ContentsAcknowledgments, Foreword, Preface to Revision, 1. Revelation, 2. Commitment, 3. Faith, 4. Admitting Our Roles, 5. Never Going Back, 6. Willing to Endure the Pain, 7. Acknowledging the Losses, 8. Talk, Talk, and Talk Again, 9. Forgiveness, 10. Rebuilding Trust, 11. Hedges, 12. Emotional Affairs, 13. Healing Timeline from a Couple's Perspective, Afterword: A Personal Letter to You from Gary, Appendix, Notes, Understand and Influence Your Man's Sexuality, CHAPTER 1RevelationHe reveals the deep things of darkness and brings deep shadows into the light.Job 12:22Gary's StoryIt must have been about 9:30 p.m. as I pulled into the driveway. Everything looked dark and settled down for the evening. As I stopped the car, my heart pounded in my chest like never before. For a moment I wondered if I might be having a heart attack. I took a deep breath, got out of the car, and headed for the back door. I unlocked it and walked onto the back porch. The house was quiet. The three boys were in bed. The only light was a dim glow from the master bedroom at the end of the hall.Our bedroom. I wondered if that would be the case in the aftermath of the bomb I was about to drop. I stopped and asked myself, Should I really go through with this? This could be the end of everything I know as my life: my family, my church, my business, my friends. Not one area of my life would be unaffected by the event about to occur. Should I tell her or just keep living the lie?No, I couldn't continue deceiving her. I had just spent the last two hours in my senior pastor's office confessing my sin. I confessed the double life I had been living for the last few years. I couldn't believe his first response. "Are you serious?" he asked. "I can never tell when you're kidding me. Are you really serious?" I sat in his office with tears streaming down my face, and he asked if I was serious.He also didn't want it to be true.I just nodded, and he let it sink in. We talked and prayed, and he kept looking at me. I knew what was going through his mind. He was saying great words of spiritual wisdom and offering encouragement, but behind his words, shock and disbelief were apparent. He referred to spiritual leaders who had fallen. He said, "This is happening all around us."At that point, I could only think, That doesn't make this any less ugly. I knew he was trying to encourage and comfort me in my darkest hour, but the darkness that enveloped me was beyond penetration. He and I both knew that everything was not all right and that it wasn't going to be.He asked if Mona knew. I shook my head no. He looked me straight in the eye and asked, "Do you intend to tell her?"I nodded."When?""Right now," I said. "I need to go right now."It had taken all I could muster to meet my pastor and confess my dark and horrible behavior. I had to complete my confession. And I had to do it now. On my way home I thought of other men I knew who had committed adultery and who hadn't said a thing to their wives. They seemed to have gotten away with it. But a Bible verse kept ringing in my ears: "You may be sure that your sin will find you out" (Numbers 32:23).And that it had. Earlier that afternoon the recording studio engineer at my production company had confronted me with this "problem" he thought I had. He came quoting Matthew 18:15–17, saying that if I didn't come clean, he would go to my pastor with the affair he believed I was having.Affair. What a fluffy word. It sounds so cheery and acceptable. Let's call it what it really is: adultery. Black-hearted, not caring anything about anybody else, completely self-centered, the absolute epitome of selfishness. Adultery. And I was an adulterer. Finally after years of my wrestling with Him, God had brought me to a point of brok